For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
