Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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