I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
