He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
