I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
