Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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