I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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