I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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