i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
