im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
