this just has baby written all over it
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
