You smell like a Billy Joel song
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My feet surprised me
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
