I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
