non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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