the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
