By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
