So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
