I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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