I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
