he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
