she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I need to calm my uterus...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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