I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
