I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
