fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
