i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
