Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
