I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
