I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
