I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Randomize
