I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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