I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
