wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
