my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
