Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
