physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
