you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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