obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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