What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
