Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
