ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
