hotel room ftw
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
