I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
