i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Randomize
