GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
