I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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