i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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