Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
