She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
