I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
