Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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