At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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