Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
