remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
