i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
